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How To Set Boundaries With Difficult Elderly Parents
When the family member we are trying to care for is critical, impossible to please, or emotionally abusive, long-standing family dynamics are often to blame.
I’m not talking about caring for an elder who is suffering from chronic pain or who has little control over their moods and behaviors because of dementia. In those cases, it’s clear that we need the help of professionals to find a solution, like palliative care for symptom relief or a memory care unit that specializes in dementia behaviors.
What I’m referring to are children who, after a historically toxic relationship, are now in a position where they need to make care decisions for an abusive family member.
Aging — and the problems that come with it — often makes a toxic parent even more intense. A frail parent may no longer lash out physically, but that loss of control sometimes makes their tongue an even stronger weapon.
Yet, it is natural for adult children to love their parents and want to ensure proper care for them as they age. The little kid inside of us most likely still wants our parents’ approval.
When we are denied that validation, even as adults, it hurts. If you had a difficult childhood and…
